


Sibling Tag: Get a Load of This Loser

by orphan_account



Series: CaptainEnterprise (Star Trek Youtube AU) [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Hilarity Ensues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Sibling tag, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jim's a fairly popular YouTuber and invites his brother to do the sibling tag on his YouTube channel.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I wish I owned Star Trek.

Jim was seated on his yellow filming sofa. “Attention Crew, this is your Captain speaking, prepare to Boldly Go” he said.

A six-clip montage took over the screen with a remixed version of Empire of Angels playing over them. Jim’ mother was attempting to put lipstick on him as he giggled in one. Nyota and Jim were laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe in another. The next clip showed Chris Pike falling into a pool after getting hit by a beach ball. Hikaru and Jim were trying to figure out directions in the second to last clip. The final clip was of Jim falling onto a huge bed and dragging Leonard and Spock with him.

The introduction faded to show a man most viewers wouldn’t know unless they were there from the beginning or bothered to look back that far. “Hey guys! So, today-“ the man started before Jim grabbed him and pulled him out of the shot to take his spot on the sofa.

“Hey guys,” Jim said, “before any new viewers freak out, I have not been cloned and that clone did not decide to grow a stupid mustache.”

“Hey!” the man yelled.

Jim continued as if uninterrupted. He said in a grave tone, “This is my blood brother George Samuel Kirk better known as,” Jim paused for dramatic effect, “Sam.”

“You are such a loser,” the man, now identified as Sam said.

Jim smiled. “So, a lot of you have stated over the years that you really wanted to see more of me and Sam. I’m honestly wondering why because Sam is just…Blah. However, I love you guys so I’ll do the sibling tag with Sam.” Jim said before sticking his tongue out at his brother.

“What fun,” Sam said in a fake bored tone.

“So Sam, which of us is the older one?” Jim asked a toothy grin stretching over his face.

Sam looked unimpressed as he answered, “Well, golly, gee, Jim, I think it might be me.”

“This is the man you wanted to see more of,” Jim accused with a long-suffering look into the camera.

Sam swatted at Jim but Jim ducked. “Okay, so Likes and dislikes about each other?”

Sam paused so long that Jim flashed up the ‘So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting, and they had to hire a new one’ card from Spongebob.

When the two brothers came back on screen, Sam finally answered. “Um, I like your, uh, taste in music. I also like your outlook on life. I like your face, sort of, but that’s just because it looks like mine. I dislike your friend Perval.” He said.

Jim shot a look at his brother. “It’s Pavel,” he reminded.

Sam raised his eyebrow. “I know what I said. A pervert named Pavel, Perval.” He clarified.

“Sam!” Jim admonished. 

“Some of my viewers love Pavel you can’t just insult him! Besides he’s not…that…bad. Whatever.” Jim said giving up his defense of Pavel’s tendency to sleep around.

“I like your maturity and your flare, for lack of better words,” Jim answered. “I dislike that squirrel you let hang out on your face.”

“Hey!” Sam yelled again.

Jim ignored his exclamation again. “What do we have in common?” Jim asked.

Sam shrugged. “Musical taste, similar taste in food, an allergy to cashews, and a love for dogs,” he listed.

“Our funniest memory?” Jim asked. “Oh god.”

Sam laughed. “So, this is something that’s kind of funny in hindsight but Jim and I were playing Thor and Loki in the back yard one day and I, as Thor, got it into my head that I could fly if I just swung my hammer hard enough. I climb a tree in our back yard and jump out and broke my leg. I also got a concussion from the hammer landing on my head.” Sam said before coming to a startling realization. “I almost died!”

“Anyway,” Jim said picking up the explanation, “I go tearing into the house to get our mother but she won’t listen to me, right? So, I, being eight at the time mind you, grabs the wagon from the shed and tries to drag Sam to the hospital in it. We get halfway up the driveway before our mother comes out to see what the hell we were doing.”

“You were determined to get me to the hospital one way or another,” Sam said laughing

Jim grimaced as he read the next question. “Most memorable argument?” he asked.

Sam sighed. “So, our mom was really stressed out about being a single mother after our dad died and she kind of married the first man she could. They are divorced now but he was around for a long time and he wasn’t nice when he was drunk.”

Jim looked down at his hands. “Mom got rid of him when she realized he wasn’t keeping his promise that if she let him hit her he wouldn’t hit us.” Jim said softly.

“Anyway,” Sam said after swallowing harshly. “I don’t really like talking about this but when I was 15 and Jim was 11 I ran away from home. Jim drove a car into a quarry in an attempt to get me to stay. I was brought back a week later, which started the investigation into our home life, but Jim and I fought over the fact that I wouldn’t take him with me.”

“Mom barely got to keep custody of us. Sam and I had to stay with Chris and his wife while the case was worked.” Jim said. “Uh, the next question is: what do you and your sibling do for fun?”

“Um, we play video games and soccer.” Sam said.

“Yeah that’s about it,” Jim added before asking the next question. “Describe each other in one word.”

Jim paused in thought. Another Spongebob time card popped up this time it was the ‘3000’ years later one. “

Sam is a shepherd. He is a very guiding presence but he’s also OCD as hell about where everyone needs to go.” Jim finally replied.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Jim is resourceful,” he said.

Jim beamed at his brother who held up his hand and squinted as if the smile was too bright.

“Have you ever liked one of their friends?” Jim asked before replying with, “Can’t say I have.”

Sam smirked suggestively. “If I wasn’t married only Perval would be safe,” he answered.

Jim blinked. “Okay, that’s creepy as hell. Favorite inside joke? Explain?”

Sam laughed and Jim pouted. “So, Jim and I were pretty oblivious kids growing up. I mean the obvious would fly so far over our heads it wasn’t even funny. One night on the way home ma stops at a gas station. Jim’s genius ass is holding a jacket when he asks ma if she can turn the car back on because he’s cold. I leaned over and said ‘It’s not a Where’s Waldo, Jim. You’ve got a jacket right there.’.”

Jim shakes his head. “Anyway, after that whenever one of us would miss the obvious we would say, ‘it’s not a Where’s Waldo’ and point out where the other went wrong.”

Sam looks expectantly at his brother but Jim doesn’t have another question. “So, the last bit is asking for a picture. This,” Jim said holding up a photo of two little blonde boys eating watermelon while sharing a tire swing, “is a picture of Sam and I when we were nine and five respectively.”

Sam smiled at the picture before taking it from his brother’s hands. “We were so cute. What the hell happened to you?” Sam asked.

Jim knocked him off the sofa. “Well there you go. Hope you regret asking for the sibling tag after having to watch a video filled with Sam’s squirrel friend. Hit the like and subscribe buttons if you want him to shave it. As always those with YouTube channels of their own who’ve been named dropped are linked in the description box. I’ll see you guys next week. This is your Captain, signing off.”

**Author's Note:**

> TBH I stole and edited Jim and Sams "funniest memory" from Supernatural's Sam and Dean.


End file.
